Bday Gurl

So, what has happened to me?

I have received lots of hate emails, facebook messages and comments about why have I not been writing about my exciting life in Miami anymore. The truth is that it has been so exciting that I really haven’t had the time to do it!

Between having a full-time job, getting a master’s degree, having a full time or over time social life, a boyfriend and friends who get sick, breakup and have lots of drama in their life to share with me, getting some time to get inspire and then getting some time to write is harder than getting a rich person through the doors of

heaven.

So, what have I done? Karaoke at the Seven Seas, where I sang These Boots are Made for Walking; pool party without a pool: my crazy friend Dara, put one inflatable pool inside her apt. and one by the dock, her dog Matilda got lost for hours and we looked for her on Agua Ardiente and Tequila, she was finally found by a homeless guy who got paid $30 to give us Matilda back, it was a two-hour kidnap. When we were finally able to do the piñata, it fell into the canal and all the candies got wet!

Also, I went to check out Robert Samuel’s and J.D. Kaleem’s new awesome house right in Mimo. Amazing, Robert lives in a tower and will now let his hair grow long enough so that we can climb it up to his room, J.D. had a seat inside his showers and the other roommate has the most amazing room/walking closet/bathroom. Guys you get 5 stars on the house, on the party only 4 because I couldn’t hear any music but the conversations were amazing, I can proudly say I was the last one to leave with Staurt McMeeking, but he deserves more credit because he was going on his bike with a glass of wine to go.

I also went on a day expedition to Big Cypress, which was all dry, celebrated Mother’s Day in Dolores/Lolita, partied at Café Barcelona, met the Russian Mafia New Yorker owner of Vlada, the new vodka gay bar by my house and spent countless nights at the News Lounge, really everybody lost count. I see the manager Pat Walsh more than my parents.

And, talking about Pat, he mentioned the Black Mangrove is taking a break and is throwing a goodbye party on Saturday May 23, it should be great, lots of awesome djs and the last opportunity to party at that warehouse. That is the day after my bday party on Friday May 22 in my friend’s house in Coconut Grove. Hope to see everybody there. Think of it like an open house, as long as you ring booze you are welcome. I love to think of my parties like a micro Miami, where you’ll find from the fancy South Beach party-goer to the smelly intellectual university professor, no offense to either.

Today I am turning 24 and it always feels good to be the birthday girl, especially with some many awesomest people in my life reminding me how much they love me J

Mad Cat's New Heavy Metal Play

Get your butt out of the boring Sobe club for a nite and go support your local theater.

It doesn't get more local than the new Mad Cat production Broad Sword, written by Hialeah's Marco Ramirez, directed by Mad Cat's Paul Tei and performed by Miami's finests Erik Fabregat, Paul Tei, Scott Genn, Sofia Citarella, George Schiavone and Gregg Weiner, if you ever been to a play done by local talent, chances are you've seen any of them.



I loved them all. George, who I heard is like 70 years old was so incredible as the caricature of the old creepy guy from "Jurassic Park." Gregg Weiner, another very exaggerated character, the devil, was also amazing.

Paul, Scott and Erik, the band members gave a surprisingly great performance of the song that brings back the mysteriously missing singer of the New Jersey metal band that splits 16 years before.

It is not because I love the Mad Cat Company and know the actors, directors, stage managers, etc, but this play was SO MUCH FUN.

There is not a single moment that leaves you wandering or thinking about the laundry that you have at home.

Engaging, scary, funny, surprising and fun.

It doesn't matter if you are old, a kid, a soccer mom or hate heavy metal, I could not imagine who would not like BroadSword. Gable Stage Director Joe Adler, who was there when I went yesterday, seem to have enjoyed it a lot.

So, this weekend before going to The Vagabond, do something for yourself and for the little local theater we have. It is located on Biscayne and 30th so you can hit any place after. You can even have drinks, before, during and after the play for contributions only.

If you are a student is ten bucks if you are not is $25, that will go to a good cause and not Mansion.

The New News Lounge is on Tuesdays now, not Wednesdays

I went to News Lounge last nite cuz we got an invite by Pat Walsh that Raffa & Rainer were playing.

After checking the facebook list of attending and seeing some of my g.f’s I was ready to get back into the middle-of-the-week-night-out routine that had missed me so much.

So, I put on my cowboy boots, mini skirt and infamous God is Dead shirt, to impress the girls, really, who cares about the guys.

I got there and ordered a delicious Tucker that tasted like heaven, even though God is Dead, and sat to listen to Raffa & Rainer play the same songs we all already know. She joked about how delicious was her cucumber martini and how they didn’t have those at Churchill’s and about the spaceships in the bathrooms that you can use to dry your hands. Seriously, I only go to the News Lounge to be able dry my hands in the spaceships inside those purdy restrooms.

I sat alone and listened to the music, making up in my mind what people must be thinking of me: that lonely girl with the cowboy boots. That is one of the reasons why I like to go out alone: one is so mysterious and could be anyone in the minds of others. A lonely depressed girl, a hooker, a psychopath, a people hater, a sexy girl who likes to go out alone, single, married, a nun escaped from convent.

Dara got there late with Matilda, who was ultimately the star of the night. Running around leash-less jumping on people’s laps and in the middle of the big red square couch where a group of five hipsters petted her and made cuteness overdosed sounds. What a slut!

“That’s an 84-year-old bitch,” I yelled to them, but they didn’t mind her age, or her tongue that is always sticking out and dried from the air, nor that she is ugly and kind of fat; she was a puppy to them and they were in front of people, meaning you have to pet her and make non-stop cute sounds.

Matilda ran away and came back to us. I think we are getting tired that she is always the star of the party. She really is 84, let go Matilda, other bitches need to be popular too.

So, Jeremy came, after he said he wasn’t coming and was surrounded by cute gals, like always. We talked about his encounter with an 18-year-old on his birthday and philosophized about the legal Age of Consent.

“If you have sex with an 18 year old the day of his birthday, is it legal, do we have to look at what time he was born?”

We swung in the swing and danced Circumstances and Serge Gainsburg, which played must of the night.

I saw beach high buddy Alexis Frias, who moved to New York, but is now back and active and loving Miami; Maina Campos, another beach high lovely friend, who looked tan and beautiful and invited me to her beginners Yoga class on Española Way Fridays at 6:45 pm. I am glad it is beginners because I have seen her acroyoga pics and it doesn’t seem like anything I could do on a Friday night and still be able to dance after. “Come detox before the tox,” she said. Sounds interesting. I also saw Robert Samuels and we talked about the newspaper industry, his salary cut at the Herald, his new house and bad movies.

It is good to be back.

Secrets of The Everglades

We woke up at 6 am on Saturday. That is still quite late for a birder, but with the daylight saving we still could make it on time for the sunrise. I, unaccustomed to open my eyes at that time, slept the whole way to the park, and arrived fresh and energetic. Although it was spring break and the park was unusually full with tourists and families, we decided to stay for the whole weekend. Starting at Paurotis Pond, where the dozens of Wood Storks carried branches back and forth right on top of our heads. Through the telescope we saw them build and feed the little hungry chicks.

There were also roseate spoonbills, herons, egrets of all kinds, anhingas and alligators all in the same pond. Incredible. While he painted and was bothered by curious and Japaneses who wanted to take pictures of him, I slept, read, wrote, walked, took pictures, read, wrote and slept some more.
When the sun was directly on top of us, we decided to picnic inside the tent. We stationed ourselves amongst red mangroves somewhere the troopers couldn't see us. We ate grapes, carrots and nuts and he painted some more while I read out loud J.D. Salinger stories. It took us a while to get our stuff together and we arrived to Flamingo passed 6 pm so there was nobody to register with for the camping space for the night. But there was sign:
"If you are here after 6 pm, grabbed an empty space and pay the $16 tomorrow morning." $16 is more than the park entrance, but I might as well not be cheap about the one thing that needs the most money in SoFla. Instead of settling down, we drove to Bear Lake Trail and walked the intimate path.

While he called warblers I took pictures and on the way back we walked quietly in the hopes of hearing owls, but our wish wasn't granted. From our tent we heard kids plying, still up with their families, an old couple that dined quietly but we could still hear them and some out of place drunk teenagers. I fell asleep looking at the stars.

Who is Miami? Miami Beach Artisan

This is the new Who is Miami? series in which the people who make up this city have a chance to talk to us for about a minute.


Marta Noriega from Bogota, Colombia sells her own jewelery in Ocean Drive. In Part because she likes it, in part because she cannot find a job.

Who is Miami? Ocean Drive Valet Parking

This is the new Who is Miami? series in which the people who make up this city have a chance to talk to us for about a minute.

Let me know what you think. Who else should I interview?

There will be more coming up with all the kinds of people that make up this land.

This is Alfredo, from Lima, Peru. he has been a Valet Parking in Ocean Drive for 12 years. He says the money is good, but slower lately.

"The economic recession has not only affected us, but the whole tourism industry here. We hear everyone complaining about it. Still we can't complaint, there is still money," he said.

Coladas, Poets, Artists and Whores

I went to Sweat Records on Saturday night to see Pure Imagination with Matt Gajewski, the guy from the UM radio that writes fiction and reads it on air. He was reading his David Sedaris/Realismo Magico/This American Life prose to a room packed of indie kids with live music in the background. I got a delicious espresso from the coffee bar at Sweat, it is not that easy to find good coladas or espressos these days in Miami, believe it or not.

Then, journalists, nerd, intellectuals and snubs we all went outside and talked bout the Dr. of Death, News and Notes closing down and the decease of Vagabond. Bout the kind of shit that people who go to this kind of shit talk bout, nerd shit.

Anyway, I was supposed to go to The Vagabond because there was a Miami.com open bar of vodka from 10 to 12, but instead I stayed home. Even though I was already all dolled up. It seems like now going to the Vagabond is like going to a glamorous photoshoot and let’s not even talk about the White Room, where if you are not topless, wearing a costume or kissing a girl you don’t make it in. Talking of which, Magic Baby girl, Clara Infante, who is usually topless, wearing a costume or kissing a girl announced she got a DUI on Sunday at 9:17 a.m and proudly published her own mug shot.

So I ended up not going to the Vagabond probably because of the whole gloomy talk at Sweat of: “remember when it was not embarrassing to go to the Vagabond.” “Let’s not even mention its name so much around this crowd.”

We were joking, of course, in a truthful kind of way.

So, on Sunday, I woke up before midday, for a change, and went out to promenade around Miami in what was a beautiful Sunday, those that make everyone repeat how much they love this city.

We drove towards the area where I grew up on Collins and 73.^rd I showed Pati and Gregg how I used to come to Northshore to see my friends play soccer and how I used to volunteer at the Centro Comunitario Hispano de Miami Beach, while eating Venezuelan cachitos at Moises Bakery, which is still there.

But, we went to have lunch at Manolo’s. Yummy empanadas, pan de miga of ham and hearts of palm, prosciutto, café con leche and fresh orange juice. hmmmm...

The only thing that sucked was the colada that we ordered at the end. We didn’t understand if it was American coffee or they had just made it disgusting by mistake; it was all water and tasted like crab. You see you could actually encounter bad coladas even on 73^rd st. We returned the colada and asked the Argentineans to politely change it because it sucked.

We got a second really bad colada, this one was also watery but it didn’t even had sugar. These Argentineans don’t know how to make the coladas. They should just stick to the emapanadas and churros please.

Not giving up our craving of a good colada, we went across the street to a Cuban place.

Outside there happened to be a quite lively street art fair and a concert in the amphitheater, part of the Cuban Music Fest that has been going one this past week.

So, we walked under the sun, amongst the dogs, kids with their faces painted, food, art, tourists, locals and the nice cool wind.

We threw ourselves in the sand for the rest of the afternoon and had mango ice cream under the sun.

(Photos Pati Laylle)

Rojo Rojito

For the tenth year anniversary of Chavez being in power of my native Venezuela, I decided to throw a Venezuelan party. Also, because I wanted to serve arepas which are both easy to make and delicious. Although nothing is too easy under champagne and whiskey, even less cooking for about 60 other hungry drunks.I was in the middle of a sea of people dancing to "La Fan Enamorada," because part of the whole cultural immersion theme is that we also listened to Venezuelan music: joropo, tambores, gaita, merengue y salsa, while trying to cook for people, most of them who had never eaten arepas.
At least we did have masks of Chavez and got to play the dictator for a bit.
It is not that I am a Chavist. The truth is that I got cured from socialist leftist romanticsm last december when I was in Caracas. The corruption is bad and the crime is worse. Just a couple of months ago Foreign Policy said Caracas was the city with the most homicides in the world, and that doesn't even count murders made by the government or the police, which are as dangerous.
But, I did come back from Venezuela also full of nostalgia of the food, the party, the family and the alcohol. I had it all on Sat. except for Venezuelans: for the first half of the party, I, the hostess, was the only Venezuelan in the house. So much for the Venezuelan theme.
But, I made ropa vieja the night before, we had tuna salad, black beans and various types of cheese to fill them up: guayanes and de mano. There was no food left the next day, I'm telling you people are hungry these days.
We also bought the ridiculous amount of 11 champagne bottles and a couple of whyskie, if we are going to celebrate venezuelan style we have to drink like if owened all that oil.

Friday Miami at PS 14 & Vagabond

On Friday, I am going to take it slow, I said. But, it was Adam’s memorial concert at PS 14, where bands would be playing as usual, but it would be dedicated to the deceased musician. And, so I had no choice.

We arrived late, right at the best time, and it was one of the best nights I have had at PS 14. Bands inside and outside constantly rotating, it was hard to walk though the people and hard to dance inside, so we stayed outside the whole time except for the repetitive trips to the bathroom.

There was a band from Orlando outside that talked and talked and talked, and thanked millions of people no one had any idea who they were.

“We don’t care,” I yelled, it had been too long without music.
“Go back to Orlando,” somebody else said.

It was funny.

We saw Gato and Johan and many other musicians who came to remember Adam, including his brother Josh. There was another concert/open mic in his honor on Saturday at his house, and although I couldn’t make since I was hosting a party myself, I heard it was amazing.

At Vagabond we met people and people, as always, it probable is the worst place to cheat on the whole of Greater Miami. We were by the fountain and the dj kept on playing punchi punchi, until I approached him and politely asked for some hip hop. Tonight is not hip hop night, he said. But ended up completely giving in: after a few minutes we had what we wanted for the rest of the night and danced to old school beats.

We took the after party to my house where we celebrated glamorously with champagne and something else until 6:30 am.

Thanks to my love, Pati Laylle , for pictures.

R.I.P Adam

Many of you have heard of the sudden death of known talented Miami musician Adam Hernandez.

Adam was an incredible musician and a great partier. Handsome and nice, you will be missed in Miami by artist, musicians, writers and party companions. We are sadden by this and will remember you for your talent and spirit.

The Miami New Times Writes:
"Adam "Atom Xmas" Hernandez of Miami's Dyslexic Postcards passed away sometime this past Saturday, January 24. Hernandez was a fixture in the Miami music scene for the past several years, frequently collaborating with his brother Josh. At the time of his death, he was developing a new music project called Atomic Xmas, and most recently had been bartending at the Vagabond. Hernandez was 26 years old. A memorial service is being planned by his family; the details are forthcoming."